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RANT: Abortion Fist's E3 Predictions 2011

Being the front and foremost authority in gaming journalism, we here at Not Our Day Job opted not to attend E3 this year. Nevermind not being invited, we just have better things to do... like make predictions on what's going to happen at the 2011 prom of video games.

There's no shortage of style or chic at this years star studded E3.

-NINTENDO announcing its new console which creates more questions than answers. It will bait the audience with amazing looking footage of first party characters like Samus or Yoshi but not actually have any games in the works.
-SONY putting all of its eggs in the new Handheld basket, while I make dismissive jerk off motions because I don't give a shit about handhelds.
-MICROSOFT hiding behind expected exclusives with Gears of War 3 being their poster child. They'll also brag about how well Kinect is selling.
-Really awkward foreign designers explaining their games
-Really annoying PR guys trying to sell a game they know nothing about in a Wedding DJ voice.
-A $100 million dollar budgeted, super explosive trailer for some sequel no one gives a shit about.

Dark Void 2: The Darkening

-Battlefield 3 Multiplayer - I'm over the single player trailers. I get it already, Battlefield 3 looks great and is on par with the best FPS solo campaigns out there. Now show us what will really make this game stand out: epic 64 on 64 battles.
-Deus Ex: Human Revolution - This game has done a perfect job of teasing me with lots of pre-rendered cut scenes and tidbits of gameplay to keep me wanting more.
-Ninja Gaiden III - One of the few remaining Japanese franchises I care about.
-Metal Gear Solid Rising - The footage of Raiden slicing buildings and people with precision cuts is enticing but the Metal Gear Solid games are notorious for shitty controls. I'm dying to know just how this game actually works.
-Fallout 4: Powered by Id Tech 5 - This is wishful thinking. I'm intrigued by Id's new game Rage, but not enough to want to buy it. However the game looks great and from what I can tell, has a massive open world. Since Bethesda owns Id and Fallout's engine is so outdated and buggy, I'm hoping the next Fallout uses Id Tech 5 and gets announced soon.
-Half Life 3 - Every morning I make my internet rounds on all the major sites like Kotaku, Joystiq, CNN, and Al-Jazeera hoping to find that one, life changing headline: "First Look at Half-Life 3". Here's hoping my life is completed at E3 this year.

-Uncharted 3 - I'm stoked about the new Uncharted game and that's why I don't want to know anything else about it. It looks great, multiplayer is returning and the Coop is being redone. I don't need to know anything else.
-Batman Arkham City - Same as above. The latest trailer was brilliant and featured a bigger world, more moves and new villains. I'm sold and don't need any other spoilers.
-Call of Duty Modern Warfare 3 - COD trailers always focus on the single player even though few people play it. I've lost all interest in the Modern Warfare plot and I doubt the multiplayer will stray from their tried and true formula. But here's hoping they surprise me.
-DMC: Hipster May Cry - I'm not excited about this reboot what so ever. Any E3 presentation will be a eulogy.

Dante dual wields his twin Holga Cameras: Wilco and Arcade Fire

XOXO, Abortion Fist

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thepregnantgod on :

*Abortion, that dude on the right looks like you.
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Abortion Fist on :

*Nice try but I would never be caught dead wearing an NCR T-Shirt. I'm more of an Enclave guy myself.
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G on :

*When I saw the new Deus Ex at PAXEast, it looked pretty plain. They took out all the stuff that made the original unique and amazing, and replaced it with what seemed like a just another shooter. I couldn't make myself play through the original when I tried to play it recently, since it seemed so outdated(what resolution is this? 100X100?) and most of the features that were "new and groundbreaking" back then are pretty common fare now.

And are you sure you don't care about this new PSP? It has two touch screens, you know. One in the back. That's pretty revolutionary. And by "revolutionary", I mean useless.
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