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GAME REVIEW: Lego Pirates of the Caribbean (PS3)

You read that headline correctly. This week we review Lego: Pirates of the Caribbean.

Oh don't roll your eyes at me. What? You think I'm gonna write a review for Lego Pirates and not make a Lego Pirates II: Stagnetti's Revenge joke? Well excuuuuse me, your majesty.


We here at NODJ had the brilliant idea to join Gamefly in order to get us more recent games to give all you tumbleweeds and crickets out there more timely reviews. Unfortunately, we found out the hard way that Gamefly SUCKS and it takes a week to deliver games. So I resorted to heading on down to the nearest Blockbuster with the Mrs. for the first time in God knows how long and find a game the two of us could play together locally.

And what a fucking challenge that was! Hardly any games allow 2 player split screen anymore. All the latest games are shooters like Call of Juarez: The Cartel or Brink that only support online multiplayer. Fortunately, my wife is a big fan of the Lego Games and I've played Lego Star Wars and Lego Indiana Jones enough to know I can tolerate them, so here we are.

LPotC gives you the chance to play through all 4 movies in traditional Lego form. You can even play the fourth movie which, if you're like me and lost interest in the third, you probably haven't seen yet. You'll revisit all the key moments in the movies with subtle changes to add gameplay value and the usual Lego cutscenes that are told through gestures and grunting instead of dialogue.

If you've played any of the Lego games, than know that this is exactly like them with a different coat of paint. You solve puzzles by finding and building legos to unlock the next area and you decapitate and dismember imperialists that stand in your way, orphaning their supposed children and widowing their supposed wives back in Lego England. It's simple enough that anyone can play it but includes enough tricky puzzles and hidden collectibles that a more serious player can enjoy it too.

I wish the movies featured this much death and dismemberment.


I actually enjoyed playing it much more than I expected. I found myself impressed by little things like the ocean waves and the lighting. And smashing everything in sight never gets old. Despite this game using the same formula as other Lego games, the developers still put their heart and soul into it and it's obvious they love making these games.

Not too shabby, if you ask me.


In fact, I actually enjoyed playing through "At World's End" more than I did watching it. And the game did a perfect job reminding me why I hated the movie. I don't remember much of what happened in the plot because it was so confusing and overly complex for a movie about pirates. Since there's no dialogue in the story scenes, you get this humorous interpretation of lego guys grunting and groaning out ridiculously convoluted backstories that make no sense and end with all the characters raising their swords and throwing food at each other. And to me that represents pirates way better than a secret love affair between an octopus guy and a voodoo priestess. I'd love to see a Lego:Glengary Glenn Ross, complete with Lego Alec Baldwin grunting and waving Lego brass balls at Lego Ed Harris.

My gripes are too few and futile to bother getting into considering the nature and target audience of these games. The rotating split screen can get a little annoying but I can't think of a better alternative that would allow the players to separate. Some people are annoyed by the inability to play online but personally, I couldn't think of a weirder game to have a headset on and play with Murdernator or Almasy on the other line. It would be like calling them up and asking them to go see Happy Feet or the Smurfs movie with me on a Friday night.

The bottom line is this game follows the same formula set by all the other Lego games, so you can take it or leave it. It's perfect for playing with family because you can hold their hands as little or as much as you want. I enjoyed playing it with Mrs. Abortion because it has the platforming mechanics she's used to playing back in the 16-bit days but it also introduces her to more modern elements like hidden collectibles and 100% completion. It was certainly a better co-op experience than Army of Two or Rainbow Six Vegas 2.



XOXO,
Abortion Fist

P.S.



Fine! Go ahead and close your browser tab. What? Did you think I was going to end my review without making a Lego: Butt Pirates joke? Well forgive the fuck outta me, your royal highness. Now if you'll excuse me while I go sniff your odorless feces.

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