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RANT: The Wind Whispers of Gears

So, going about my usual day of internet browsing and receiving links from friends, something struck me today: Gears of War 3 is coming out soon! With all the excitement I've been feeling over every new pixel of Battlefield 3 or Uncharted 3 that's being released, I sort of lost track of the lovable Gears. There's so many huge games coming out this holiday season that my brain cannot fully compute what is releasing when. It's too much for anyone, really. As far as I'm concerned, I stand to be losing over $500 dollars in games between now and Christmas. ...Oh, wait. I need a new video card for BF3... $1500 between now an Christmas. With all of the recent vids coming out of Gamescom, though, the volume on Gears 3 got turned waaaaay down. That is, until in the space of 12 hours, I was assaulted with a Gears 3 media blitz from the most unconventional of places.

I would try and make a clever joke here, but I added a The View reference. Sorry.


I bought my 360 for Gears ...well, and for Ninja Gaiden 2 (big mistake). I enjoy the ridiculous bravado of the games and they are one of my favorite co-op experiences. So I felt genuinely shitty when I had to admit to myself that if I have to let one mega game slip this holiday, it would be Gears. You know what they say, "out of sight, out of mind." I haven't been rabidly following the Cog boys' snippets of media, and the game slowly moved to the back of my mental list of must buys. Well, in it's normal uncanny way, the world has decided to counter my aloof indifference with the most oddly targeted marketing campaign I've ever witnessed.

First up, this morning, I get this video linked to me:



Seeing as I went to college and like Humor, I clicked the link. Now, I couldn't even fully watch the damn thing - it's so cringe-worthy and beyond my understanding of why it was made - BUT I did catch the blatant Gears plug, complete with prominent appearances of the Gears Wizard himself Cliffy B. I just thought "holy hell, what was that all about...oh yeah, Gears comes out soon..." The beast has stirred...

Next up, making my usual YouTube rounds, I checked out the latest Epic Meal Time. Lo and behold!



Well, I'll be God damned. More Gears shit! It's like pre-Super Bowl when every commercial from Doritos to Vagisil has some half-hearted football reference. Clearly, Gears of War 3 is happening, and the Internet will not be happy until I take notice. So take notice I did. But I couldn't help feeling conned somehow. I had not wanted to see Gears of War in these places. I go to certain web spaces to fulfill my Gears needs, and don't expect Gears to just appear out of nowhere. Fool me once, Gears: shame on you, fool me twice: EAT SHIT AND DIE.

So, I came home from work with Gears now on my mind, and decided to watch the excellent BF3 video for the 459th time. But before I could, I was treated to an innocuous enough Windows 7 PC commercial when all of a sudden OOOH SHITTT!!!!



Well fuck it! With a release date of Sep 20th, we're still more than a month out, and if Gears has launched such a covert media assault already, I cannot imagine what it's going to get like nearer to release. What's yet to be seen? A 30 minute promo in Wolf Blitzer's Situation Room? Shark Week dedicating 3 days to the retro Lancer? Cliffy B hijacking a commercial airliner and crashing it into the Eiffel Tower? Only time and marketing dollars will tell. Until then, stay alert, reader - you never know where Gears will strike next!

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