NOT OUR DAY JOB

Halo - James Cameron


Space Marines on the big screen should be left to the pros. How about the guy who put them there in the first place? If there's one thing Cameron can do it's craft a compelling narrative around the fantastical. With all the lore behind the Halo franchise, Cameron would bring the perfect blend of respect for source material, and creative freedom. Mixing sci-fi with action in a classy manor (maybe Avatar aside) is a staple of Cameron flicks, and he would make even the non-fans want to check it our. Hate all you want, Cameron puts out solid movies, and Halo puts out solid games.

Mass Effect - Ridley Scott


Wow. Two Alien movie directors in a row! I haven't really played the Mass Effect series, but from what I glimpsed Ridley's attention to detail and uncompromising vision seem perfectly fit to bring the space epic to life. Action scenes, breathtaking establishing shots, and human interaction would be light work for Scott, who has dabbled in movies of all shapes and sizes. Besides we already have a cast fleshed out!

Metal Gear Solid- Christopher Nolan


Essential to creating a great hero is creating an equally compelling villain. Metal Gear knows this. Chris Nolan also knows this. Few heroes are as "complex" as Solid Snake: a clone of a past legend, with a rapidly decaying body, and a maniacal twin brother with a massive inferiority complex. If you think Snake is convoluted, just wait until you try and handle a screenplay that hits on high points of the Metal Gear saga! But if Nolan can make sense of dream-in-a-dream type scenarios and tesla clone machines, he should be able to weave a tale of Shadow Moses and La Li Lu Le Lo. I just hope whoever plays Liquid doesn't OD and die before they can make the sequels. FOX DIE!

Uncharted - Danny Boyle


I know Danny Boyle may seem like an odd choice for the Indiana Jones inspired Uncharted, but here's the thing: Danny Boyle makes great movies. Sci-fi, horror, heartfelt Indian poop pool documentaries, Danny boy has crushed them all. If the guy can make a star of James Franco, just think what he could do with a compelling screenplay and likable cast!

Grand Theft Auto - Martin Scorsese


Easy pick here. GTA protagonists ape Scorsese classics so closely it seems they could probably just re-cut Goodfellas and The Departed, stick a GTA logo on it and be done. "Immigrants in New York dealing with the mob? It's the movie I was BORN to direct!" Get the Oscars ready boys.

Call of Duty - Michael Bay


Duh. When you need to recreate the most over the top modern military shooter in big-screen format, look no further than the Führer of fireballs: Micheal Fucking Bay. Who the hell else would actually be able to borrow 6 aircraft carriers from the US Navy? Or get away with detonating a nuclear bomb on American soil in the name of "art"? Although knowing Bay, he would replace Captain Price with some up and coming Hollywood Jail Bait sex object. ( I was going to link to some fresh young hottie, but then realized I'm not a pedophile)

World Of Warcraft - George Lucas


Before you erupt into quivering piles of nerd rage, hear me out. World of Warcraft: The Movie, like Star Wars: The Phantom Menace before it, is seriously too big to fail. Many people have invested blood, treasure, and time into creating these entertainment behemoths. People not seeing a World of Warcraft movie would be as insane as people not seeing a Star Wars movie. It's Warcraft. The fans are there. The world is there. The fiction is there. The characters are there. Now all you need is a guy with unlimited resources and a never ending supply of plaid shirts to sit back, eat a bag of chips, and forget to say "action" as the thousands of people around him come together and make the most expensive CG movie ever made. Combine the market savvy of Lucas Arts and Activision and watch as WoW goes from a video game to a household name.

Gears of War - Steven Spielberg


Although he's gone a little soft in his later years, remember Steve put out Schindler's List and Saving Private Ryan. If he could channel his hatred for Nazis towards the locusts, Steve could tell the gritty tale of a band of soldiers in an oppressive, violent, "Destroyed Beauty" world. Spielberg has the perfect mix of drama, war, and alien flicks under his belt to totally pull off a Gears movie. Plus there's a 75% chance he'd cast Tom Cruise as Marcus Phoenix! Sadly, 20 years from now, Spielberg's will would dictate the studio go re-edit the film and digitally replace all the Lancer chainsaw guns with cell phones.

Fallout - Paul Verhoeven


We need a director who is not afraid to do dark humor, social satire, and exploding heads. Check, check, and double check for Paul Verhoeven! Sure he's been out of the game for a while, but so had Fallout. If you think about it Robocop had the initial V.A.T.S. system. Arnold wanted to bring water to the Mars wasteland. All the prosthetics used for the mutants of Total Recall can be reused for the ghouls! Shit, even "start the reactor" works as a driving point for a Fallout 3 based movie! See you at the party Vault Dweller!

God of War - Zach Snyder


For a game centered around sex and violence, Zach Snyder would be my go to guy. While his over dependence on post FX and slo-motion may make for a poor Owl based adventure, it sure as hell would make for a kick ass murder-fest up the side of Mount Olympus. Kratos's one dimensional character would shine as a 600-frames-a-second, airbrush-abed, blur of CG blood and After Effects fire. Since God of War's plot is laughable at best, Snyder would do it justice by providing the visuals to distract from the fact that Kratos is a total tool.

Well there you go. Sure there would be a lot of big egos involved, and some serious moving of money, but c'mon I'd see all of these movies. Except World of Warcraft. That's for nerds.