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So I was going about my usual day, trying to think of what topic to write about, as my daughter fitfully cried any time I didn't devote 100% attention to her when SHIT YEAH! Resident Evil 6 TRAILER!!!!!!!!!!!! What an amazing surprise! Let's take a look!

Holy shit. In our times of teasers to teasers of trailers with just a fucking logo (Lookin at you Modern Warfare), it is refreshing as hell to see a balls out trailer. Not only that, but game play and actual plot points? Kudos! So right off the bat the game is looking much darker, literally. Like the engine looks completely different. I guess the RE5 daylight scares have given way to good old fashion "dark is scary" game design. I'm not gonna lie, I am scared of the dark. So lets take a looksie at the trailer and make some bold claims!

C'mon Leon, just the tip.

First things first, Leon has WAY too much finger on that trigger, he's gonna be pulling his shots to the left. Wait... I mean, IT'S LEON! That's right, RE does fan service, but they make you wait for it. After a one game hiatus, the original zombie suplexer is back, and with weird creepy Japanese interpretation of white guy facial hair! At least the jacket is back, but not in it's complete splendor.

So starting your trailer by killing the zombie US President is pretty pro, where are they going to go from here?


Ok who's this chick? I've followed the RE series as much as any responsible adult should (i.e. didn't watch the last 2 movies, but played all the games), and she's not jumping out as anyone I recognize. Maybe Leon's sister, Claire...Kennedy? Maybe it's that chick from the Degeneration movie Angela Miller. I don't remember the movie that well, but I think she survived.

Don't call it a comeback!

Oh Snap! Agent Hunnigan! You got more of your body modeled out this go around! Good for you! I thought she was a total throw away character, but Capcom knows how to recycle! Oh well, doesn't look like Leon is gonna be throwing around sexual innuendo this go around. Looks more like he'll be breakdance, gymkata gun fighting.

I'm just here to do my JOB.

Woah Woah WOAH! I'd recognize those triceps anywhere! Chris AND Leon in this bitch! Let the gay fanfic begin! Also China? This is going to be great. After all the shit RE games get for being overtly racist, no-one is going to bat an eye when some REAL racist shit goes down. Those not keyed into Asian nationalism and the resultant prejudice, you're welcome. Hehe I can't wait! Push that China-man Chris!

Cole...something... Phelps? Train? Clean? U.S.S.?

Ah a newcomer! It's that guy from "infamous", but the one where he's a vampire! Perfect! Jesus Christ Capcom, for everything you do to try to appeal to Westerners please, PLEASE, DO NOT try and copy our character design! Japan has been head and shoulders above the generic trash America and Europe put out in terms of memorable characters...until THIS guy. Hey, I'm a mercenary, I do it for money, I have zombrex for blood, and a crew cut. AMERICA!

Looks like she's gonna be a whole lot of help all over again.

Well well, look at this groupie. I'm guessing this is Ashley Graham, the late president's daughter. Guess after getting a big NO from Leon, she moved on to a more angry, zombie blood, boy crush. At least we can now figure the timeline for RE6. Ashley was only just too young to acceptably have sex with in RE4, right? We'll put that at American 17 years old, Japanese 11. So she looks to be about early 20s in this game, so we'll say roughly 5 years have passed since RE4. (10 in Japan cannon)

Chris's gym partner, and frequent victim of misguided roid rage.

Oh good, Ryan Phillippe made it in. I was wondering what he'd been doing lately. Good for him.

Eiichiro Sasaki, we hardly know thee

Lastly, it looks like the director is the guy who did the Outbreak games. Apart from knowing he's a fan of the Dragon Ball Z action figure line, I don't know much else. Outbreak was a cool idea, but a victim of the times. This game looks bananas.
Part Vanquish, part Gears of War, part Rainbow Six Vegas, with a sprinkle of resident Evil on top. I'm intrigued. For what it's worth, zombies are back...itchy...tasty...

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