NOT OUR DAY JOB

SILENT RAGE:

Well that was a freebie.

Most of get this one. For some of us it's where rage starts and stops. Basically you get so frustrated with a game (online or off) that you just clam up and use all of your willpower to let the anger simply seethe within you. You may calmly turn off your Xbox then go kill a prostitute, or pay to see the new Resident Evil movie, but you will not allow your rage to overflow while in game. If this is your form of RAGE, remember if you turn the console off and THEN commit a hate crime, it's premeditated.

RAGE QUITTER:

A term we are all familiar with, and many of us have had an experience with. Shit going pear shaped? Anger immanent? Spawn camping over 9000? RAGE QUIT! That's right Rage Quitting is the equivalent of dropping the mic, throwing up your middle finger, and strutting off stage to go cry in the bathroom. Dropped connections, system "crashes", inopportune (yet very opportune) diarrhea? Classic Rage quit cover ups. I don't condone the rage quit. But I understand. Coward.

RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE:

You know how when you get mad at a game, it makes you want to waste money? I don't. But some people do. Get invaded and killed in Demons Souls? Throw that $60 controller through the goddamn TV. Play CS for the first time in 5 years? Smash the ever-living SHIT out of your mouse and keyboard. While I won't lecture you on what, and what not to do with your personal belongings, if the only way to get back at the game is by savaging your hardware, you may want to buy that extended warranty. Get the "Hulk Out" protection plan.

RAGE LASER:

Like this, but usually more racist.

This is one of the most skin-crawlingly offensive rage types. The RAGE LASER is SOLELY focused on another player, be it online or off. Probably most prevalent in fighting games the RAGE LASER is directed at another player who is the source of all that is wrong in the game, generation, world. Awkwardly RAGE LASERs often get involved in deep and cutting voice or text chat insult fests where anything goes. The slander is devastating and ranges from questioning the victims sexuality, to questioning their skill, to questioning their sexuality. Most often the other non involved players just look on in annoyance as the RAGE LASER burns itself out, and hopefully gets banned from the server.

TEAM RAGE:

There is no "I" in asshole.

Seen more in online team based games than anything else the TEAM RAGER flips his SHIT because his team is losing sooo badly, and they are all terrible and holding him back. Anger dwells up inside until it overboils, spilling into team chat. "YOU GUYS FUCKING SUCK!". "THIS TEAM IS GARBAGE!" "MOVE UP! FUCKING TEAM!!!" are caps locked across the screen. A quick scoreboard check will almost ALWAYS reveal the the TEAM RAGER himself is at the bottom of the list, and playing the most worthless class, hanging out at spawn to complain.

TRANSCENDENT RAGE:

Just relax and remember: this isn't even the hardest difficulty.

The highest level of rage. When rage is so intense, and so violent, that you can't help but find it funny how angry you are. This rage allows a clear perspective, as you evaluate how angry you are and how bad the situation is, yet find it so hopeless you float into apathy. In this form of rage, all sense of purpose or drive is lost. KTD, score, surviving, all are lost in the ether of calming rage that simply caresses you into a euphoric sense of aimless button pressing. You remember it's just a game, it doesn't matter, and that you haven't eaten today. You can put down the controller and step away with a stupid bittersweet smile on your face as you realize it's not your fault: Ninja Gaiden 2 is just flat out garbage.