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RANT: BF3 is Poetry.

I know by now most of you readers are probably thinking, "hold on, MURDERNATOR hasn't mentioned a new game in about six months! This oft irrelevant blog is capsizing into the completely unfathomable reaches of internet obscurity, and MURDERNATOR is at the helm, crying like an infant while jerking off to the latest BirgirPall video!" Well, there is truth in that. Dirty, sordid, truth. Not only do I still have two unopened games from October staring at me with accusing, hate-filled eyes, I also have been seriously neglecting my true love: Team Fortress 2. Things are dire in the house of MURDER for sure. The culprit, the vile home-wrecker, responsible for all of this is (no surprise if you read the blog) Battlefield 3. But what am I to do? I am captivated, enthralled, addicted. Are we in love? I COULD try to sneak past augmented assholes, only to realize I spent my Praxis points poorly. I COULD take Drake on another spin through the world, killing in the name of sweet sweet trophies. I COULD buy Naruto/Asura's Wrath/Journey, all games I am actually eager to play. I COULD open Ace Combat. OR I could spend every evening with my beloved BF3. The choice is clear, my love is gushing, there is only one thing left to do... Woo her.

"I'll look to knife, if looking knifing move:"

Sometimes you just gotta break into iambic pentameter. If you are up on your poeming try and guess which poems are what. Cheat sheet for the kids without berets: Haiku, Clerihew, Sonnet, Limerick, Acrostic, and "So I Married an Axe Murderer"

The field of Dreams is for ghosts,
That's a field that you can keep.
The Field I long for the most
Is filled with the beeping of Jeep.
And battle royal is for kids,
with killing not fit for a man.
When tanks and jets I'm amid,
I demand the use of SOFLAM.
And to the MW3 packs
Antiquated is not quite the word,
MP Eightteen player max!?
Stop trying to polish a turd.
The battle, the field, the three that I need,
Is Battlefield 3, badass? Yes indeed.

There once was a game that filled me with glee
BF3 kept me playing all night until three,
With all of my friends
the fun never ends
Sadly my wife has divorced me!

Helo in the sky
I hit you with a stinger
Why will you not DIE

Before you go any further,
Ask me what game do I play?
Tell you with furious fervor
That I play one both night and day.
Like any good game it's addicting,
Even when causing a rage quit,
For winning is fucking uplifting
I tell you this game is the shit!
Exploding a tank with c4
Leaves your jaw on the floor.
Despite needing a PC with a high price
3 cheers for BF3 and 3 cheers for DICE!

Hard Headed Heckler of Hummers
Terrible Track-er, tumultuous timing.
This. Weapon. Sucks

Recon Class
You mainly suck ass
Think you're Navy Seals 'GOD'
Just stay out of my squad.

Whew. That's it. I feel like I'm in middle school again. Nothing like writing poems to make you feel like you haven't had sex yet!

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