NOT OUR DAY JOB

Judging by the video, it appears Ubisoft dissected the Call of Duty MP and reverse engineered their own version. They kept all the really important aspects, like obnoxious xp sound effects and unending radio chatter, while adding their own to make it a truly memorable experience, like CSI style kill cams with bullet trajectories and "cinematic" 360 spinning replay cameras. It gives you something to not watch while you're angrily hitting the respawn button.

Far Cry 3 and Max Payne 3, two stellar-looking single player titles, disappoint me when they show off videos like this because in my opinion, they don't need competitive multiplayer. I know that it's customary for developers to include it because it makes it seem like a more complete retail package but I think they should just follow suit with the original Bioshock and just omit it. I bet they could save a lot of money that way. Maybe throw in some coop or a horde mode and you've got plenty of bullet points for the back of your box.

COD and Battlefield 3 duke it out for online shootery (well I guess it's more like COD is pummeling the shit out of BF3 in numbers playing online) and it's in all games best interest to just stay out of that fight and maybe call a paramedic after. If you don't do something completely different like Red Dead and GTA (which Max Payne 3 may be capable of), you don't stand a chance and are likely to end up like Home Front and Far Cry 2's forgettable MP.

If you absolutely have to throw in MP in your shooter and want to please this guy (because my opinions represent the will of the world), throw in some bots! Seriously man, I <3 me some bots. Anytime I had a frustrating game in Battlefield 2, I'd end the night with a round against retard bots to take my anger out on (I don't have any kids... yet). If BF3 offered a mode with bots, players could get some practice with jets and helicopters instead of being baptized in fire and rage quitting for good.

As much as I hate to give credit to Black Ops, they managed to throw in a training mode with bots, which I can take on with the wife to avoid embarrassment with real players. With the exception of Black Ops, all of history's best games had bots: Duke Nukem 3d, Perfect Dark, Time Splitters, Team Fortress 2. If you're a game developer and you're reading this, take note of this guaranteed Abortion Fist fact: put bots in MP and outsell COD and take #1 on the Major Nelson Charts, or don't put in bots and be the next Dead Space 2 MP.

XOXO,
Abortion Fist