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RANT: Masters of Our Medium

I often wonder about what goes on in the marketing think tanks for game trailers and press. With each new triple A title getting marketing budgets that would make the actual development budget blush, it's always a fun game to play "how will the marketing hotshots try to sell me this game?" From the "he was fat, now he's skinny and everyone is having fun!" MW3 approach, to the "show all the FMV til they're confused as shit" Assassins Creed tactics, games hardly even need to point out that they are games anymore. It's like the pointless Milk ad campaign: Like people FORGOT to buy milk, or GTA. Anyways, in keeping with ridiculous, tell-you-nothing trailers I submit for your disapproval:



Amazing! Ok, so now here's a fun game. Send this trailer to your mom, your dad, an uncle, your local Rabbi, whoever. Then simply ask them what they think this is.

An advertisement? Snuff film? A bleak representation of the influx of Asian influence into a crumbling American middle class? Japorn? To be honest, I don't even know.

I understand it's a teaser (btw the most ridiculous self masturbatory concept since "liking" your own Facebook status), but about the only thing this video is intended to tease is your wiener. Is Mileena such a staple, and instantly recognizable "face" of the MK franchise that a 20 second clip of her walking though Idaho will set the internet ablaze with longing for the next release of the sweet sweet Kombat? "Fight anywhere Kombat anyone" So go to Idaho, and fight no one? Is that what I'm supposed to be putting in my PTO requests for? To go do tai chi in a borax quarry, dressed in what I can only imagine is a left over wardrobe piece from a hastily produced, and shoddily shot porno, directed by a 12 year old who won the lottery? Is there even a reason for it being in black and white (minus the pornkini)? Is it to draw attention away from the gratuitously over airbrushed cleavage? Is it to hide the fact that the actress has 3 pounds of eye makeup on, and that it seems to be teaming up with gravity and shame to force her eyes shut? Am I to be awed by her sweet air stabbing techniques? Or the hastily cut together-in-the-edit-room semblance of martial arts proficiency? Is there any reason at all I should give a single fuck about ANYTHING that I just

Wait.. What? Oh I'm just supposed to be looking at her boobs? OH oh ok. Ah got it. Ok never mind. Here watch the God of War teaser:



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