NOT OUR DAY JOB

Known to me, and almost all of the internet by now thanks to some avid fan posts, Max Payne never even used a 1911 in any of the previous games. Not only that but with the wording of this trailer it makes it sound like the 1911 is Max's best bud, and potentially more than platonic friend. Blasphemy! We all know that Max is never without his trusty Beretta model 92! This isn't just a throwaway part of his character either. He's always portrayed with it. Both covers have him holding it, it never leaves his side. It is a huge part of who he is as a character.

They sort of had this part of Max hammered out.

Directly paying homage to the John Woo'd, pistol-toting bullet-storm that is Chow Yun Fat, Max Payne dual wields the pistols of his mentor. The Beretta is one of the most widely filmed, and instantly recognizable pistols probably of all time (Desert Eagle, you're almost there). As a smoothie made of Hollywood action flicks, noir cop drama, and Hong Kong shoot-outs, the choice for Max's trusty sidearm to be a Beretta was right on target. Yet here we are, years later convincing people that the 1911 is the gun Max always used? Going so far as to flat out say "Max's favorite since day one" is seriously approaching heresy.

Damn a lot of Berettas, Mark, and Fat.

I'm sure a lot of you guys are thinking, "man! it's just a gun chill out!" So sure, sure, if Max did default to the 1911 in his new adventure, I'd just assume it was a design choice (maybe 15 rounds is too much for a start out weapon). However, it gets weird when trailers try to reshape history. "We put a 1911 in as your default gun because it's ALWAYS been a 1911, REMEMBER!?!" I guess for people who don't understand my issue, it would be like Luke returning in Jedi with a different colored lightsabe.....wait, ok bad example. OK got it, like if in the 3rd Robocop movie, instead of his trusty OCP Auto 9, Murphy had some stupid buster cannon arm thin....damn it. Ok, what if in Return of the King, Legolas just pulled out a pair of nunchucks, and Aragorn looks over and says "AH yes! Legolas is using his trusty elfchucks that he has always used on this entire adventure!" It's like that. But more enraging, since Elves aren't real, but Berettas are.

Hmmmm....I think a reboot is in order. This just got 1000% awesome.

So this seems like an glaring misstep on the part of Rockstar, who are usually on their shit when it comes to these info reveals. So what does it mean? I honestly don't know. Perhaps they are seeing if people are still paying attention? Perhaps they are really late on an April fools joke? There are gun guys who are 1911 purists, maybe one of those guys is making Max Payne 3? Whatever the case, I find it so strange that a game that is relying so heavily on previous fans, and word of mouth from said fans, to go and do something that seems so out of character, and easily avoidable. Then again, maybe whoever cut this trailer is just a master of their craft...

Shit, and while I'm on this subject, there's something else that's been bugging me a long time. So in Uncharted 1 we meet Nathan Drake, a scrappy adventurer with a half tuck and voice of Joe Every-man. Drake's default gun is from what I can surmise a Makarov PM or close facsimile. I thought this was cool, and in keeping with his character. It's a cheap gun you can get cheap ammo for and it's been around forever. A real adventurer (murderer) around the world type of gun. From all the trouble they put into showing him with this gun I figured "ok cool, that's part of his character." So when Uncharted 2 was coming out and I saw the cover, there front and center was the Makarov. Then without warning, the Makarov was gone, and nowhere to be found in the actual game. Replaced with what? A .45 defender. Which I don't have to tell you gun fans among us is of course a 1911 variant...Well, well, well! We have stumbled upon something here... It seems some shadowy puppet-master has insidiously managed to take any character we know and love and replace his trademark weapon with none other than a 1911! I never knew they'd go this far... Now that we shed light on this, how many other heroes have been shackled down by the 1911 overlord!?!



**** UPDATE*********
After being found out for the devils they are, the 1911 Shadow Alliance has craftily re-released this trailer, with less mind controlling language:

Revised retelling of 1911 history.

Keep up the good fight NODJ faithfuls.