NOT OUR DAY JOB

The Flow Chart: Yes, let’s start this shit off with the most infamous and, arguably, the most annoying of the community. These dick heads will choose Ken most likely because ken wears red and exhibits the over confident asshole persona that they aspire to have.



When fighting them its best to start a combo string, then stop in the middle and watch them throw out the obvious fierce punch (fp)/EX shoryuken (srk). No matter how many times you bait and punish this dumbass play, the flow chart will continuously mash out srks. What makes them annoying is that every SF4 player can admit that they've lost to a flowchart at some point. (hey hey, guilty here.) (Strategy: always bait, always expect the srk.)



The Butt Plug Sitting Turtler: These clowns will chose a character with strong EX wake up options (bison, Rufus, Chun li, etc.) or just a shenanigan character (Blanka). (note: Boxer is also a selection due to his magical jab powahs.) The turtler will put his/her back to the wall and hold down back for the entire match. They're perfectly fine with getting a time out victory both matches.



Some turtlers will occasionally jump backward and throw out a fierce kick. Bottom line, they are only out to get a win by exhibiting the least amount of skill and effort. When you spank them, know that you'll be kicked from their room. (Strategy: get a life lead on them, then put your back to the other fucking side of the screen and just watch their dumbasses realize the clock is ticking on them.)



The Sirlin Dick Rider: I'll go more into what an all around dick head David Sirlin is later. The Sirlinite SF player is someone who walks around thinking they're a genius at the game and feels justified by the "play to win" motto. Yes, the object of the game is to defeat your opponent, but I can admit, that if I pick Ryu and spam hadoukens all day or wait for the jp srk > fadc > ultra combo, I wouldn't be very excited about the wins I’ve accumulated. In the mind of a sirlinite, no bitchass tactic is off-limits. All that matters is the win. Never mind that they can be bored out of their mind. All that matters is that they can win a few matches and visit a forum to be that arrogant down talking asshole. (strategy: don’t get mad.)



The Plasma Phag: Here we go. The plasma phag is the guy who only mains a character who can throw projectiles as if firing a fucking mini gun (Ryu, Sagat). The term they love to throw out is "zoning". Zoning is a softer way of saying "Projectile spam", which is a softer way of saying "someone who loves having sex with men". Yes projectiles are part of the game, but it's a fighting game, not a fucking shooter. The usual come back when a plasma phag is called out is "if you can't get around long distance zoning, then it’s your fault.” The point is, yes we can get around your bitch-made tactic, it's just MIND-FUCK BORING.



Try this: start a player vs. player match by yourself. Then throw hadoukens until the unmanned player is KO'd, if you had fun, get up, get in a car, and drive full speed down a rail road track while screaming at the top of your lungs. You'll know you've done it long enough when you'd collided with an oncoming train. (yes I saw courage under fire.) (strategy: same as sirlinite strat.)



The Tier Whore: A tier whore is someone who makes a B-line for the character who is overpowered in a fighting game. If you mained Chun li in SF3 then switched to Sagat for SF4, you are a tier whore. If you've always mained Sagat, then you just like Sagat. I've always thought he was cool, but never mained him because Capcom cannot seem to not make Sagat god-tier.
**This time we have DSP (lulz) to demonstrate the BS.**




Sadly, most actual tourney players are tier whores. I'm obviously not talking about the ones that aren't. (Aruka, Santhrax as cammy, Saqs, Ino, Sextaro, J, etc.) (strat: don’t know what to tell you. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose.)




The Ego Bitchass: This is my personal most hated of the entire online community. The ego player is someone who plays only to feel good about themselves. If you fight someone whom you beat, then after you lost the rematch, the player leaves and sends you a msg talking shit, you’ve just met an ego bitchass. Best way to handle them, either don’t reply or send them a simple (grow up, gg). Another version of the ego bitchass is the guy who attempts to win in the cheesiest and annoying manner, if you win, you will be kicked. If you lose, you will be kicked. Why? because to a bitchass, there’s no point in playing against someone who’s better than them at a fighting game. Yet another version (and most despicable) of the Ego bitch is the guy who wins his first match after losing 8 straight matches. He then, of course, leaves and talks shit. Oh, but he’s not done, now you’ll see a YouTube vid of his ONE win. *Special note: if your name is Weltall on the psn , you are a prime example of an ego bitchass.



The Rage Quitter: Finally we meet the ONE the only…The Rage Quitter. Remember when I said that the flow chart is the most infamous and hated of all assfucks playing SF4 online? Well I was wrong; The rage quitter is the most hated and worst of all assfucks. Every cock sucker style player I’ve mentioned can possibly fall under the rage quitter category. Flow charts have been known to rage quit when you’re about to punish their 50th missed srk with an ultra. The buttplug sitting turtler will rage quit after you’ve thrown them for the 50th time or when you bait their obvious counter attempt, then punish for the win.The Sirlin dick rider will start throwing normal attacks from the other side of the screen, this lets you know that he’s getting up while pressing random buttons and turning off this ps3 or pulling the plug on this xbox. This way he can say, we got disconnected, you see I was throwing attacks.





After all, how can he plug pull while he’s playing right? I guess the rest of us are all fucking idiots. The plasma phag will plug pull with no special attempt to hide the fact. The tier whore will likely try to use the same transparent ass method as the Sirlin dick rider. The ego bitchass will rage quit, then fucking msg you claiming that you quit. Makes perfect sense, I mean who doesn’t rage quit as they land a game winning attack. I do that shit all the time, if I land a meaty combo and win the match I get fucking livid and flick the off switch on my ps3…….


There you have it. If you’re new to sf online then make no mistake, YOU WILL see this type of bullshit on a daily basis. SSF4 is around the corner, being the huge fighting game fan that I am, (the fact that they included Cody and knowing they’ll include third strikers) I’ll likely buy it. Knowing the amount of fucking retards that play online, we’ll likely see the same fucking shit this time around. There’s a good reason why most of the dickheads who still act like sf2 is the pinnacle of all fighters, hate a game like Third strike. Bitchass game play does not work in SF3. The End.


Special Note: This is all my own opinion. If you’re offended by anything I’ve stated here, you’re likely one of the dumbasses listed here, which in that case, EAT A DICK.