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TOP 10: Abortion Fist's End of the Year Awards 2011 pt. 1



This past weekend hosted Spikes VGAs (aka Spike's 2 hour commercial for pre-rendered trailers) and like every year, I didn't watch it. I generally hate all forms of prestigious award ceremonies like the Oscars and the Grammys, because A.) I rarely agree with the choices for winners and B.) most of it is bullshit meant to boost sales so the box covers can say "Award Winner" on it (even though I don't think that actually boosts sales). The VGA's are following suit and this year made some horrendous decisions, going so far as to nominate games that hadn't even been released yet.

Well you can take a sigh of relief knowing that a truly honest and unbiased awards list has arrived from Uncle Abortion. Sure you probably still won't agree with all the winners but you can rest assured that I'm in no way getting paid for these nominations nor will any game box ever sport the phrase "Game of the Year -Abortion Fist". Although that would be pretty awesome and sales boosty.

Now onward to the winners! Continue reading "TOP 10: Abortion Fist's End of the Year Awards 2011 pt. 1"

RANT: Awesome Obnoxious Ringtones

Author
Abortion Fist
If you're a Droid phone user like me, and constantly struggle with life's bigger problems like me, than you know how annoying it is that you can't change the phone's text and sms notifications sound effects to custom ones. Google probably did this on purpose to prevent assholes like me from changing the beep noises to 45 second long epic serenades that identify my unique personality in public places. Thankfully I located a free app called Ringdroid that realizes we don't live in a Communist nation and lets me express myself freely. And with it, I've switched my jingle to the Level Up noise from Skyrim.



It came in handy during my quiet review with the executive producers of the new CMT show I'm working on. And when I was taking a low profile dump in a public restroom when Murdernator sent me one of his usual "BF3 2nite?" texts.

Want more ideas on awesome sounds to switch your notifications to? Hit the jump. Continue reading "RANT: Awesome Obnoxious Ringtones"

RANT: Spec Ops - Drake's Dubai

Author
Abortion Fist
There's been a recent surge of promotional media for the new Dubai-calypse shooter, Spec Ops: The Line. Another day, another generic looking action game with Nolan North headlining the voice acting. Normally I wouldn't be bothered to write about such things but I have a shaky past with the Spec Ops franchise.

Continue reading "RANT: Spec Ops - Drake's Dubai"

RANT: Late to the Party

Author
Abortion Fist
I may be a year behind on this, but I only just now discovered the "Game Over, Yeah!" meme. If you haven't seen it yet, the premise is simple: take the overly cheery "Game Over" song from the Sega Saturn classic Sega Rally Championship and inappropriately put it at the end of a depressing/sad/horrific video. It instantly switches the mood from down to up and it NEVER GETS OLD.


Continue reading "RANT: Late to the Party"

GAME REVIEW: Modern Warfare 3 (PS3)

Author
Abortion Fist
Well, "the most anticipated game in history" is here and once again shattered all sales records for the entertainment industry. It also broke the record for most rabid, vocal haters in the history of gaming. So who's side does Abortion Fist take? Read on for his unbiased, 100% fair, and genuine review.

Continue reading "GAME REVIEW: Modern Warfare 3 (PS3)"

RANT: Is this real life?

Author
Abortion Fist

So I just finished Uncharted 3. A couple weeks ago I finished Batman: Arkham City. Both games got me reminiscing of games past. Games like Max Payne, Metal Gear Solid 3, Little Nemo: The Dreammaster, and The Simpsons: Bart's Nightmare. All these games have something in common and reminded me of this famous quote: "One of my most favorite gaming mechanics is the Dream Sequence. I absolutely love them." Can you guess who said this?

The answer: Continue reading "RANT: Is this real life?"

RANT: Modern Warfare 3's marketing is terrible.

Author
Abortion Fist
I've said it once and I'll say it again: I'm not a Call of Duty hater, but I'm also not a COD fanboy. With Arkham City melting my face and Uncharted 3 right around the corner, I can't tell you how unexcited I am for the Mordern Warfare trilogy to complete. Yet, I've still got my pre-order receipt and I'm still probably gonna plug in 50+ hours into it when it comes out. Regardless, I'm disappointed in how lackluster the marketing behind this game is. You'd think the franchise that's produced the last 2 biggest openings in entertainment history could do a little better than this.

Continue reading "RANT: Modern Warfare 3's marketing is terrible."

RANT: Arkham Florida

Author
Abortion Fist
We're just a day away from the release of Batman: Arkham City and already the verdict is out. There's no shortage of accolades, with all sorts of "greatest" titles being thrown around ranging from Greatest of the Year to Greatest Batman Adaptation ever created. And there's also no shortage of speculation on what the third outing from Rocksteady Studios will be. Well Abortion Fist has a perfect pitch ready to go so grab a seat at the round table while he fires up power point.

Continue reading "RANT: Arkham Florida"

VIDEO: A favor for the wife

Author
Abortion Fist
I've got good news and I've got bad news for you guys. The good news is, we've got a new video for the site! The bad news is it has absolutely nothing to do with video games. But don't fret, we plan on bringing you more soon, right after I collect my millions of dollars for this one:



If you want the backstory on this, click the jump... Continue reading "VIDEO: A favor for the wife"

RANT: New Syndicate trailer is... kinda good?

Author
Abortion Fist
I just wrote a rant recently on my disappointment regarding the direction the Syndicate franchise is going in (in case you haven't noticed from my blogging style, my brain can only focus on one game at a time and must write a minimum of 50 entries on that game). Then EA and Starbreeze dropped the first trailer on us last week. I must say, my disappointment in it being a First Person Shooter remains, but I am now... cautiously intrigued.

Continue reading "RANT: New Syndicate trailer is... kinda good?"

RANT: Goldeneye Soundtrack

Author
Abortion Fist
I think about 25% of my brain activity during the day is dedicated to reminiscing how awesome Goldeneye is. It my very well be my favorite game of all time and I always hope someone would challenge me to argue that. I could write a series of novels on what made the game great and why I will always hold it higher than Call of Duty, Halo, or Gears of War. But no one has made such a challenge so I will always assume everyone in the world, except Almasy, agrees with me on that. I'm not here to make this argument, but instead salute the game's awesome soundtrack and point you to some amazing remixes after the jump.

Hey! Ho! Hey! Ho!
Continue reading "RANT: Goldeneye Soundtrack"

RANT: Netflix plans on destroying the world (according to the internet)

Author
Abortion Fist
Apparently lots of people have taken to the streets in anger after Netflix announced it's splitting into 2 parts (like Adam Jensen does to the prostitutes in Deus Ex). If the internet is to be believed, which it always should, the company has become a greedy, orphanage burning, child raping, retirement home abusing, anti-Christ of a corporation with one objective in mind: blood money.

Continue reading "RANT: Netflix plans on destroying the world (according to the internet)"

GAME REVIEW: Deus Ex Human Revolution (PC)

Author
Abortion Fist
After years of hype from the slick trailers, the TV ads, and people blabbering on about how the original Deus Ex is one of the greatest games of all time, I finally played Human Revolution. I can attest that this is a great game well worth the price of admission. I'm just not sure that's all I hoped for.


I'm not posting any screens or photoshops for this review. Nothing sells this game better than the fan made videos and memes.
Continue reading "GAME REVIEW: Deus Ex Human Revolution (PC)"

TOP 10: Deus Ex Human Revolution Upgrades

Author
Abortion Fist
This week's top ten isn't so much an opinionated entertainment list as it is a helpful guide for any of you crickets and tumbleweeds out there playing the new Deus Ex. I also created it in a cheap attempt to bait Googlers searching for "Deus Ex Augmentation Guide". SUCKERS! If you're going through Deus Ex Human Revolution for the first time and aren't sure which augmentations to invest those treasured Praxis Points on, I've got the hook up, holla if ya hear me. HAHA remember Master P? What an asshole that guy was.

Continue reading "TOP 10: Deus Ex Human Revolution Upgrades"