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RANT: NODJ Comment Spam

We at NODJ are grateful for each and every one of our readers, and we eagerly pour over any piece of feedback that we receive - positive or negative, constructive or critical. Simply that you acknowledge the ongoing existence of our little laughshack here makes every message, every comment, every ThumbsUp an absolute treasure.

But this weekend I got some utterly bewildering comments on some of my articles. They seemed complimentary, thoughtful, and somewhat relevant to the subject matter of the article. But they were also.... off. Disjointed. Cobbled together by a mind that wasn't quite all there.

They're spambot comments, absolutely - I could tell that from the rapid succession with which they all appeared on the site, waiting for my administrative approval. But what's most bizarre about them is that the script that generated them appears to have trolled (the fishing kind of trolling) the Internet for relevant comments about the subject matter of each article and created a mash-up medley comment that it then used to post. What results is an unsettling combination of logical and random. It's as though Michael Bay's incarnation of Bumblebee suffers from the same deficiency at typing as he does regular speech - and inexplicably reads our website.

While the "endgame" for spammers like this is uncertain - how is it that they thought these comments would sneak through the filter? are they getting adaptively more intelligent? - some of the comments are truly bizarre. Bizarre enough that I thought I would share some of the best ones with you today.

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RANT: 4RMY OF 4OUR is gonna 4RNICATE with your eyeholes!

Author
Abortion Fist
Sorry guys, slow news day at the greatest investigative video game journalism site on the web. We're kind of in that part of the year I call the gaming drought, where there aren't a whole lot of releases or news stories to cover and I find myself playing games I missed last year. As much as I'd love to write about Mass Effect 3 and how not into it I am, I'll leave those articles for Almasy, our resident ME fan.

Instead I'll take the time to blog about one of my favorite subjects: bashing the Army of Two franchise. Thankfully, it's semi relevant as rumors and tweets have all but confirmed a part 3: Army of Four.

Not pictured: The fourth guy because the guy on the right ate him apparently.
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RANT: PSN + Update

Author
MURDERNATOR
A while back I signed up for PSN+. At the time it was still in a slightly fledgling state, and had only just introduced cloud saving (albeit in a pretty archaic fashion). Well, that was about half a year ago, and anyone who is familiar with the Playstation Network knows, Sony continually changes the damn thing, most time for the better. So consider this a recap, and a pros and cons breakdown of my first six or so months as a PSN+ subscriber.

For all the nay-sayers and skeptics, PSN + is really OH MY GOD WHAT'S WRONG WITH HER EYES!!!!!!!!
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RANT: To hell and back.

Author
Abortion Fist
This week marks my return to Battlefield 3. I quit cold turkey, fed up with non stop losses and embarrassing kill to death ratios. I figured I wasn't cut out for the game and after dealing with the frustrating Beta's lack of configurable options, the official launch's lack of voice and squad support, and finally the game's merciless learning curve, I decided it wasn't worth the stress. Then Murdernator and I figured out the problem, my caveman computer (or more specifically the caveman graphics card) was holding me back. Now that's all changed.

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RANT: Playstation Vita

Author
MURDERNATOR
So the Playstation Vita has launched in North America. As I write this, they are trickling into the hands of consumers. I feel as though we should mention a console launch to some degree here at NODJ, but alas I just can't conjure up the excitement that usually goes with the release of new gaming hardware. Instead of excitement there is a overbearing feeling of dread. Then again this wouldn't be the first time my apathy has been no indication (in fact many times it has had inverse effects) of how well a console will do. But as it stands right now, the big question circling around the PSV is simply: Why?

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RANT: The Musee Mechanique

Author
almasymarquis
During my extracurricular adventures of the past couple of weeks, I visited San Francisco for the first time. Lots of my stops were of a typically touristy nature: Alcatraz, Fisherman's Wharf, Lombard Street. I rode a cable car. These were all actually pretty fun - I willfully went back to the Wharf. They have sea lions!

A couple of the friends that I'd asked before I headed to the West coast suggested that I poke my head into Musee Mechanique (warning: link has sounds of a terrifying nature auto-playing without volume controls.) This curious destination is a museum dedicated to the penny arcade machines of yesteryear - and some of the proper video game hits that got this whole crazy interactive industry going.

Like any diligent NODJ correspondent, I dutifully chronicled my trip to the museum with my camera, capturing images both nostalgic and horrific.

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RANT: "Power"

Author
Abortion Fist
I finally got around to playing Saints Row 3 and I'm having a pretty good time committing insurance fraud and tornado DDT'ing gimps with my DDD cups and my zombie voice. After playing the first couple of story missions I ran into my biggest gripe not only with this game, but a common problem in so much of entertainment's marketing over these past 2 years.

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RANT: The Future?

Author
MURDERNATOR
So this will be old news by internet standards, but yesterday Tim Schafer and Double Fine scored a home run as they got over double the funding needed for a new project in just over 8 hours, all paid for by loyal internet fans. If this is not an example of the public putting its money where its mouth is, then I don't know what a mouth is. Coming from someone who works in the gaming industry, for an independent developer, I must say it is truly invigorating to see that there are other potential ways to make a game that break away from the shackles of publisher dependency. Of course with the good comes the bad. Let's pontificate.

Hats off to you guys!
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RANT: Alan Wake - The pretentious c*cksucker of video games.

Author
Abortion Fist
The prayers of no one have been heard and answered! New Alan Wake media is flooding the internet to hype up the release of the most unanticipated sequel of the year. I wasn't going to bother writing about this game because I think I bashed its predecessor enough in my review but the franchise represents a trend in movies which I hope isn't growing in gaming - the pretentious "I don't get it so it must be good" critique.


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RANT: Back to the Future, Pt 3

Author
MURDERNATOR
Finishing off the week in nostalgia/time travel, I will chime in on games that my prepubescent MURDERNATOR self would have gushed over, circa 1995. To date myself, MURDERNATOR would have been exactly 12 years old, and looking for love in all the wrong places. Assuming young Abortion Fist hadn't been visited by his future self already, and spilled the beans on my upcoming time traveler visit, my younger self would be amazed to see fully grown MURDERNATOR step out of the time machine, with what appears to be facial hair. That's right young MURD, you'll get there one day. After a quick meet and greet, and strictly imposed "no touching" rule, I would proceed to show my 12 year old self three games that would blow his feeble fucking mind!

While I was back in time, I'd prob tell my past self to practice more Photoshop.
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RANT: Back to the Future...

Author
Abortion Fist
If you could go back in time to visit your adolescent self and show them any 3 games of the future, what would they be? I've pondered this more often than necessary and had numerous debates with friends over this issue. It's fun and stupid at the same time considering what seems amazing now would seem terrible in a few years but let's go ahead and do this anyway.
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RANT: Essential Skyrim Mods

Author
almasymarquis
I'm on vacation, which means I have even fewer cares that I ordinarily do on a minute to minute basis. However, it also means that I'm playing a lot more Skyrim, which means I have at least a small bit of game-related experience to talk about today. Despite the fact that Skyrim's already been out for a couple of months, the buzz hasn't yet died down on this enormous, sprawling RPG. I got into it on release day but, through some poor choices, built a character unable to stand up to the rigors of picking flowers, much less slaying dragons. I've since restarted, and while I'm no more lethal in combat, I'm a dynamo when it comes to herbology. John Marston would be proud.

Anyway, regardless of what sort of Dragonborn you choose to create, there's a lot of mods out there that will make your overall experience a lot more enjoyable. Here's a few of the ones I'm using. If you're playing the game on PC, then give 'em a look.

Dick Joke

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RANT: Amnesia and Onlive

Author
Abortion Fist
Excuse me while I shamelessly support Onlive in yet another article but I can't stress enough how awesome this service is. I just bought Amnesia: The Dark Descent on one of their holiday deals and I so regret not trying this game that's over a year old sooner. If you haven't tried either Onlive or Amnesia, I can't recommend them more. And there's more to it than just me liking them individually, the two actually work together to make an experience I haven't had before. Read on for more.
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RANT: YEAH RE6!

Author
MURDERNATOR
So I was going about my usual day, trying to think of what topic to write about, as my daughter fitfully cried any time I didn't devote 100% attention to her when SHIT YEAH! Resident Evil 6 TRAILER!!!!!!!!!!!! What an amazing surprise! Let's take a look!

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