Skip to content

TOP 10: Video Game TV Shows

As a child of the 20th century, I had three parents - a kind father, a loving mother, and an all-knowing television set. This triune of almighty nuturers gave me the tools that I need to succeed in the real world as an adult ... and a very poor sense of what I remember as being great when it was actually completely terrible.

Anyone that's seen a single cigarette burn in the corner of a Resident Evil film frame knows that Hollywood's capacity to take a property and turn it into a marketable but utterly ridiculous reinterpretation of itself is literally limitless. Seriously, did anyone think that Resident Evil could get any more idiotic? This is a series that established itself with that amazing original live action intro. You know the one.

But sure enough, shows have been made, and we watched them. Ladies and gentlemen, strap yourself in and get ready for a trip down the nightmare that is ...

Continue reading "TOP 10: Video Game TV Shows"

TOP 10: Hidden Packages

Author
Abortion Fist
I classify myself as a completionist gamer (or a loner as Murdernator's rant suggests). I'm obsessed with exploring every nook and cranny of a games world to find all those hidden items and details that aren't required to finish.

In the age of achievements, it's obvious there's a bunch out there like me with the same agenda. And now that it's pretty much mandatory for all games to have a percentage meter that measures how much you've discovered, every game includes "hidden packages" or unrequired collectibles to discover and give us that satisfaction that we've conquered a game and every thing it had to offer.

In today's top 10 I list 5 great and 5 terrible examples of these hidden packages.

Continue reading "TOP 10: Hidden Packages"

TOP 10: More Equally Terrible Character Picks for Ultimate MVC3

Author
MURDERNATOR
While continuing a theme this week, let's take a look into the completely plausible. There seems to be no hiding the fact that Capcom is really pulling out all the stops to fill their latest MVC opus with some of the most questionable characters around. Almasy already hit on this but let's take it one step further. Scratch that, TEN steps further!

OOOOh the suspense!
Continue reading "TOP 10: More Equally Terrible Character Picks for Ultimate MVC3"

TOP 10: KILL YOURSELF

Author
MURDERNATOR
As I sit here in the dark listening to H.I.M., carving Nietzsche quotes into my bare flesh, and eating Cool Ranch Doritos, I find this life not worth living. The economy is in the shitter, there's war around the globe, gas prices are skyrocketing, and Duke Nukem Forever came out. The end is approaching fast, so why not sit down, pick up a controller and give yourself to the sweet release of this week's top 10 KILL YOURSELF GAMES.

Do you know what happens when a Snake gets shot in the mouth? The same thing that KILL YOURSELF!
Continue reading "TOP 10: KILL YOURSELF"

TOP 10: Guilty Pleasure Games

Author
Abortion Fist
We all have those special games in our lives that we love, and keep secret. Those games that we don't brag about because if people found out we played them, we'd lose all credibility in our opinions. Well since we here at NODJ have no credibility to begin with, I've decided to come out of the closet with 10 games I love to play, even though I probably shouldn't. Some because they're terrible, and some because I play them in an embarrassing way.

Continue reading "TOP 10: Guilty Pleasure Games"

TOP 10: Pet Dogs

Author
almasymarquis
I love dogs! Man's best friend, when properly trained, is a joy to behold. They're fun to pet and play with and just generally have a great time with. Certain cowriters will tell you that dogs are better not seen or heard unless they're on a dinner plate. I'm not all about that. I like dogs. They're alright.

Pets with any kind of genuine usability are something of a rarity in games, and as someone who enjoys dogs (and many other animals, mind!), I'm always appreciative of those rare occasions where someone took the time to implement a pup with any degree of reliability. I'm not taking about games where you play as the dog - or at least, not games where you play with the dog as a main player character. I'm not talking about pet sims like Nintendogs, either - those dedicate themselves exclusively to raising a pet, which is sorta not my point. My point is that it's cool to see that extra touch where someone could've made another person, or a tutorial, or a super power, and instead implemented a dog. As such, this also doesn't count vanity pets that just follow you around with any particular purpose other than just ... being a dog that happens to follow you.

What're some of the best? Well, gosh, I'm glad you asked.


Continue reading "TOP 10: Pet Dogs"

TOP 10: Boom HEADSHOT!

Author
MURDERNATOR
While they seem just a given these days, there was a time before localized hit detection, a time before the venerable Head Shot. Aiming at the target in general was all well and good for us, but then as games moved into 3D a revelation occurred, aiming for the brain! The headshot was introduced as the way of weeding out the gaming wannabes from the ice cold killers. For the risk of aiming at a much smaller target came the potential reward of doing extra damage, a sweet effect, and getting virtual high fives from everyone on the internet (except the guy you just brained). This week's Top 10 takes a look at some of the most memorable headshots in gaming!

Looks like this guy just realized the Triceratops from "The Land Before Time" was named Cera, not Sarah. Suddenly everything!
Continue reading "TOP 10: Boom HEADSHOT!"

TOP 10: Anatomy Anomaly Chicks

Author
MURDERNATOR
Ever since art was invented, artists have used art as an excuse to recreate the female form they would most like to impregnate. From the freaky bird-winged mascara wearing Egyptian ladies, to the pale, plump, pretties of the Renaissance, man has used his varying canvas to create boneriffic images of things they yearn for. Video games are no different. The ladies of games have gotten so amazingly out of hand due in part to almost no governing female bodies within the industry. Today's Top 10 is a rundown of some of our favorite gaming ladies who might be suffering some severe back pain.

Let's keep in mind that Pam doesn't deal with the same sort of action most of the characters on this list deal with.
Continue reading "TOP 10: Anatomy Anomaly Chicks"

TOP 10: More Appropriate Gears of War 3 Presenters

Author
almasymarquis
There's been a lot revealed this week at E3. A lot of surprises, a few disappointments. A lot of flashy trailers and a few embarassing live-playthrough moments. But the moment that really stood out to me was Ice-T's appearance at Microsoft's press conference alongside known insane person Clifford Bleszinski. While no one can deny the success of the Gears series, Cliffy B's press appearances always have a Dane Cook-type aura of shame and degeneracy to them, and it was unfortunate to see someone like one of the prestigious cast members from Law and Order: SVU bring himself down to the level of appearing on stage with this maniac. To be honest, I'm more disgruntled because my brain has already classified Ice-T as a Modern Warfare loving celebrity and it confuses my turgid little brain to think about celebrities as people that have more than one interest at a time. If you, like me, dear reader, prefer your celebs in one-dimensional, digestible portions, then perhaps you'll join me on an exercise in hypothesis, an embarkation into a list of the top ten more appropriate Gears of War 3 co-presenters than Ice T.

What you know about obnoxiously long blog post titles?!
Continue reading "TOP 10: More Appropriate Gears of War 3 Presenters"

Top 10: Unsung Pioneers of Gaming

Author
Abortion Fist
We've reached a point in gaming where it seems nothing is impossible. Quality is now judged on elements like story, visuals, and replayability. But not too long ago, all it took was a single gimmick or gameplay mechanic to impress gamers. Things viewed as standard features today were once considered revolutions, like guns that reload, enemies that hide behind cover and... bouncing breasts.

This top 10 honors games that never got the credit they deserved. Whether it was creating a new feature that we take for granted today or simply being too ahead of their time, these games left a permanent mark on the industry without recognition.



Continue reading "Top 10: Unsung Pioneers of Gaming"

TOP 10: SKIPPABLE BOSSES

Author
almasymarquis
Video game design always walks a line between linear and open-ended gameplay. Given identical constraints, budget, time, and manpower, a linear game will give you tighter, more heavily scripted situations with more opportunities for unique moments of gameplay interaction - Modern Warfare (+2) is probably the Grand Poobah of this method of creation - like a movie, you have a script (or at least, an outline) of where the player is going to be on literally a minute to minute basis, and you can use your wiles and wits to set up situations based on that information that you wouldn't otherwise be able to.

On the other hand, open-ended gameplay is highly tauted - particularly by "hardcore" gamers as more immersive and more satisfying, but - again, given the equal constraints above - often leads to larger worlds with many options, but with fewer options on a situation to situation basis. This isn't due to any laziness or lack of want by designers, it's pure math - the total number of interactions that the player can get into, often in an extremely unpredictable order, can lead to an exponential fuckton of situations which can be a nightmare to try to anticipate, test, and tune. Oblivion and Fallout 3 are great examples of nonlinear gameplay done well - the player has a pretty simple set of interactions and freedom to run around the world, doing things in a fairly non-sequential order, if they really feel like it.

Both have their time and place. The best games use a combination of the two. Today's top ten talks about how the two techniques sometimes come together in a surprising fashion: boss fights!

O_O
Continue reading "TOP 10: SKIPPABLE BOSSES"

TOP 10: Anatomy Anomaly Dudes

Author
MURDERNATOR
If you were born in the 70's and 80's you grew up on Arnold. Recent events aside (or withstanding), he was a shining beacon of manliness and badassery in a world of drug dealers, murderbots, aliens, and male pregnancy. As games aped movies, it turned out the giant, meat head, muscle tank look really worked. Ever since the beginning, games have put you in the shoes of some larger than life male protagonists. While early games primitively portrayed the over exaggeration of the male physique, we have finally harnessed the raw power to render every muscle, vein, and sinew we so desperately crave. This Top 10 looks at the most blatant overuse of more is better in male game characters. No homo.

"Hey Maria, remember when I said I didn't father a child with one of the staff , then cover it up for over a decade?" ....."I lied."
Continue reading "TOP 10: Anatomy Anomaly Dudes"

Top 10: Force-Fed Badasses

Author
Abortion Fist
Sometimes writers try just a little too hard to create a character that's "bad ass". They use cheap tactics, extreme makeovers, and guitar solos to spoon feed you their ultra cool creation. What results is the opposite of what they intended and while simpletons fall for their tricks, you and I know better. Think John Cena or the trailer for the new Clash of the Titans movie.

So in honor of these failed attempts at selling us "awesome", here's my salute to ten force-fed, bad ass characters.
Continue reading "Top 10: Force-Fed Badasses"

Top 10: Fantastic New IP's

Author
MURDERNATOR
When wading through the sea of sequels that flow into the market like the combined menstrual cycle of every Wii Fit owner, it's very easy to become a crusty, jaded video game snob. However, despite what many lament as the time of mega-corporate, cookie cutter, generic frag fests, there are many great new games being brought to us. This is the list of my Top 10 most fantastic new IPs this hardware generation.

Continue reading "Top 10: Fantastic New IP's"