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RANT: 4RMY OF 4OUR is gonna 4RNICATE with your eyeholes!

Sorry guys, slow news day at the greatest investigative video game journalism site on the web. We're kind of in that part of the year I call the gaming drought, where there aren't a whole lot of releases or news stories to cover and I find myself playing games I missed last year. As much as I'd love to write about Mass Effect 3 and how not into it I am, I'll leave those articles for Almasy, our resident ME fan.

Instead I'll take the time to blog about one of my favorite subjects: bashing the Army of Two franchise. Thankfully, it's semi relevant as rumors and tweets have all but confirmed a part 3: Army of Four.

Not pictured: The fourth guy because the guy on the right ate him apparently.


Yep, my first nominee for dumbest video game title for whatever year that it comes out. I'll also go ahead and nominate it for least anticipated sequel, most misleading game, worst use of Nolan North's voice, and least entertaining game I played through because my wife likes it for some reason.

The big development/rumor behind this game however, is that it's supposedly using the Battlefield 3 engine, Frostbite 2.0. This seems so overkill and ridiculous to me because this game doesn't deserve such treatment. I'm imagining more shitty designed linear levels with stupid "boost me over the fence" checkpoints that have the most amazing destructibility in video games.

The other big change, based on the title, is that it will support up to 4 players cooperatively. Which means great fun for me because no one plays this game but my wife and I so I can only assume that means we'll have to deal with 2 AI controlled characters who refuse to revive us and help us do stupid quicktime events to advance the game.

Not pictured: The third and fourth guy because the guy on the left ate them apparently.


I'll never understand why this franchise gets a part 3, meanwhile all my letters to THQ for a third 50 Cent game go unanswered.

XOXO,
Abortion Fist
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